One Sided
by shiningjess
Summary: One Sided LenaleeX Kanda. Lenalee ponders about how feelings to Kanda.


**One-Sided**

A one sided KandaXLenalee story that came simply because I was bored and couldn't sleep. It's more of ramblings than a proper story. I do not own D-Gray Man because if I would Kanda would be mine.

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Every guy in the Dark Order wanted to date Lenalee Lee. She was one of the few female exorcists around and not to mention, the prettiest, sweetest and possibly the nicest. Everywhere she went along the Dark Order, males ogled at him. Even Lavi and Allen, her closest friends, sometimes couldn't help themselves to her beauty. But the most ironic thing was that she wasn't interested in any of them. The only person that she set her sights on was the only male in Dark Order who would not take a second glance at her unless necessary.

His name was Yuu Kanda.

He was no doubt one of the best exorcists around besides the generals and perhaps Allen. But even Allen wasn't as fast as Kanda was, neither was Allen as decisive in victories as Kanda was. He stood a league above all other exorcists and he was not afraid to show it either. But heroic as he was, Kanda was the most unsociable creature about. He was not simply antisocial but downright mean. To him finders were exorcist wannabes who were meant to die, any exorcist who was not half as good as him was basically also meant to die. He never held any respect for anyone or anything. He didn't care about what anyone felt, and surely not how Lenalee felt either.

Lenalee loved observing how Kanda fought, his precise swordsman skill, his speed and his elegance. In the heat of the fight, when his coat was tore and his body splatted with blood, Lenalee couldn't help but stare. And then he healed, like some miraculous angel from heaven. He was like the knight from the fairytales, the hero in movies. Nasty character aside, he was perfect in his art of exorcism. He was like a god to Lenalee, and idol whom she looked up to. General Tiedoll brought him into the Order and Lenalee began to know him as she tried to integrate Kanda into the order. But Kanda wouldn't budge. He would always prefer to stay in his room or train. He ate alone, fought alone and acted alone. Lenalee tried and tried and the next thing she knew, she found herself investing herself more and more to make him feel. Kanda, as a person became more and more intriguing to her and slowly, she was in love. And the love became an obsession.

And now, she could not even stare at Kanda without feeling a slight blush rushing up into her face. She wanted so much to love Kanda and Kanda to love her back. But it was simply impossible. He wouldn't even sustain a proper conversation with her. All that he ever said to her was yes and no and perhaps some curt answer to her questions. She wished, usually in the middle of the night, that she would wake up not alone on her own bed, but in the strong arms of Kanda who would open up to her. It was stupid, really, for her to fall for Kanda when the whole of Dark Order literally queued up to get a slice of her love. But perhaps, humans always want what they could not get and Lenalee loved the person who would never give the love that she wanted.

It started with Kanda. She found herself in his room one day and he started kissing her, cuddling her. Her heart stopped and she let his fingers run wild. One thing led to the next and she gave himself to him. Then it became a routine. Every few days, she found herself at his doorstep again. Sometimes she wondered what brought her there, time and time again, literally offering herself to him. He closed the door and she kissed him. He kissed her back, but she knew, out of lust but not love. Even as Kanda slowly strips her off the cloth that she was wearing, she knew he didn't love her that way. Even as he touched her bare body and entered her, she knew he was simply just relieving himself. But she got her momentary joy of having Kanda.

It was worth it.

Although really, she was really nothing but a sex object to him. The thought saddened Lenalee sometimes but she was crazy to this point that anything went. Usually by the time Lenalee woke up, the bed would always be empty. No matter how tired Kanda would be from the night, he would still wake up before the sun rose to train. Everytime she woke up feeling the cold sheets, her heart sank. As much as she knew his routine, as much as she expected that that was going to happen, she still hoped. She still hoped that maybe one day when she woke up, Kanda would be by her side and giving her a morning kiss. She always hoped that their relationship would be something more than this. The coldness of the sheets echoed in her heart as she got dressed, alone, and put on her smile and continued the day's work.

Lenalee knew that she had only herself to blame. The main issue with Kanda was that he could not love, blinded by his pursuit of that one person, his heart was cold and could not comprehend love. He was like an angel that was so far away that she couldn't reach but still trying to. But she was totally obsessed with Kanda. Whenever she closed her eyes, all she saw was the his features, the long raven hair tied in a ponytail that swayed wherever he went and those eyes, cold with people yet determined when in a fight. And there was his sword Mugen, strapped to him wherever he went, and those were the days when she wished that she was the sword, able to accompany Kanda wherever he went.

It was pure stupidity. But she was caught, caught in Kanda's web, never to get out as she found herself knocking at Kanda's door once again that night.

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Reviews? Please? And please don't kill me for making Kanda a total bastard =) Oh and I have a KandaXAllen one in the making as well.


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